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omar
03-15-2008, 12:37 AM
I originally read the following in 2003 and found it hillarious. Especially since back then 20% of this pertained to me. Now it is more like 55% :bigthumbu




You know you are a racer when.

-You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.
-You take your helmet along when you go to buy new eyeglasses or check out cars(seats).
-You refer to the corner down the street from your house as "Turn One."
-You feel compelled on a road trip to beat your previous best time.
-You are happiest when you street car's tires are worn to "racing depth."
-When something falls off of your car, you wonder how much weight you just saved.
-When you hear "overcooked it," instead of food you think 'off the track.'
-You change engine oil every other week.
-You sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get on the throttle right after turning in.
-You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
-Your racing budget is one of the big three - mortgage, car payments/maintenance, dating.
-Your email address refers to your race car rather than you.
-You walk "proper lines" through the grocery store.
-You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without complaining.
-You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the spares.
-You bought a race car before buying a house.
-You bought a race car before buying furniture for the new house.
-You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!
-You find that you need a new house because you've outgrown your garage and the neighbors are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on the street or in the front yard.
-You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of race tires that could have been purchased.
-You know well that orthodontic work is the equivalent of three sets of tires.
-You sit in your race car in a dark garage and make car noises and shift and practice your heel and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back from the machine shop.
-You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
-Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
-You have enough spare parts to build another car.
-More than one racer supply house recognizes your voice and greets you by name when you call.
-You have car parts in you r cubicle at work.
-If you can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on weekends.
-Your Christmas list begins with "another set of Toyo RA1's" and aluminum rods (and your significant other knows what these are).
-After your answer to "What did you do this weekend?" the next question is always: "And you do this for fun? Right?
-You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
-Your reading material in your bathroom consists of auto parts and racing supply catalogs, several books written by famous drivers, every book Carroll Smith has ever written and 400 car magazines, none of which have centerfolds.
-People know you by your class letter, car number, and car color.
-Your first date involves asking her to crew for you.
-Your criteria for selecting a significant other include auto repair skills. Air tools optional.
-Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet and driver's suit.
-Your family remembers your hair color as "grease".
-You plan your wedding around the race schedule.
-You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker bar every other week or so.
-You remember the dates and details of every race you've ever been in, but can't remember your phone number.
-Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some time with you.
-You complain when you cars in front of you on highway off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing your exit speed to drop.
-A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you query, "Synthetic or organic?" and they reply, "Vegetable or corn."
-You give out Automotive Engineering's number when a friend asks for the best hardware store.
-You look at the fire hydrant at the corner and see an apex marker.
-You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work or school.
-You always late apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming out.
-Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through the turn.
-You always do a toe and heel downshift while your passenger gives you a real funny look.
-You can't stand under steer.
-You always want to change something in your street car to make it handle better.
-You will gladly pay up to $8 for a quart of engine oil.
-You hate long distance drives to visit relatives, or to go on vacation, but you will gladly drive 800 mils to the race track.
-You think that traction control and ABS are for those who can't drive.
-You've ever tried to convince you wife you needed that flow bench to fix the air filter on her van.
-You save broken car parts as "mementos."
-Your last several freeway forays included just brushing the curbs as you apexed the on-ramps perfectly.
-You've found your lawn mower runs pretty good on 108 octane gas (but doesn't care for alcohol).
-The local tire shop won't honor the tread life warranty on any car you have been within 50 yards of.
-The shop manager at your local car dealer mutters " dear Lord" under his breath after he sees the size of your exhaust system.
-The local police and state Highway Patrol have a picture of your car taped to their dashboard.
-You spend more time polishing your exhaust tips every day than you do bathing.
-Instead of pictures in your wallet, you have qualifying times.
-You would choose a roll bar over air conditioning if it were an option.
-You enjoy driving through wet, empty parking lots and using the emergency brake to kick the back end out.
-White smoke coming out from under your tires is common sight.
-You consider the redline a "conservative suggestion" and the rev limiter " a fun limiter."
-You spend more on insurance premiums than on food.
-You idea of a good time is sitting around figuring out gear ratios and the ideal final drive ratio for given situations.
-When someone asks where you went to school, you reply, "Skip Barber."
-You have racing shops programmed on you speed dialer.
-You won five cars and only one of them is street legal.
-You know the 1/4 mile times and skid pad numbers of your riding mower and want to improve them.
-You've embarrassed your significant other at least once by insisting on wearing your full face helmet while driving.
-You know the "racing line" of every turn in your daily commute, including you alternate routes, and practice hitting them every day.
-You quote your street tire wear life in weeks rather than miles.
-You regularly live test your rev limiter on that straight that's a little too long for second but not worth going into third for.
-You’ve started looking for sponsors for your daily commute.
-You've slalomed in a construction zone, and counted your penalty time in the rearview afterwards.
-After you tell your wife where you'd like to go on your vacation she answers: "Why.... is there a race there?"

grayscale
03-15-2008, 02:15 AM
"-You know well that orthodontic work is the equivalent of three sets of tires."
I'm not a racer, but as my smile can prove, I know this very well! :D

tuner4life
03-15-2008, 05:38 AM
Nice!!, Most of these are true.

celicaGT90_05
03-15-2008, 06:54 AM
lol its kinda funny how I relate to a lot of these, I do try to apex off ramps and get irritated when other cars prevent me from doing it. And yes, I'd choose a roll bar over air conditioning

CriScO
03-15-2008, 08:57 AM
Oh man... The sad part is I do all the "best line" ones and I only drag!

When I was getting all my dental work I'd always wait to see how much insurance paid me back so I could put it in the cars! It angers me that my mouth still has about $10k on my celicas, too.

Too funny, thanks for sharing!

KoreanJoey
03-15-2008, 06:45 PM
Yeah I'm always worn between paying rent or living on the street in some comfy new racing buckets.

Cavanagh
03-15-2008, 06:49 PM
"When something falls off of your car, you wonder how much weight you just saved."

Lawl, i love it! I do that to my buddies, i tell them to get that book outta the back seat!! Thats weight reduction!

Unarmed
03-16-2008, 04:08 AM
is it a bad thing if ALL of these ones are true about me?

-You enjoy driving through wet, empty parking lots and using the emergency brake to kick the back end out. (they dont need to be wet)

-You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the spares (god I hate it when that happens)

-White smoke coming out from under your tires is common sight. (people need to stop betting I cant burn out without moving the car)

-You sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get on the throttle right after turning in. (sometimes... you mean all the time)

-Your family remembers your hair color as "grease".(dear god... this has been true since I can remember)

-You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker bar every other week or so. (gotta love craftsman)

-If you can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on weekends. (makes me look like I smoke more than I do)

-You can't stand under steer.(cheap rear tires with grippy front tires really helps in this department...Just gotta be careful when on rough roads going a little fast)

-You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work or school. (with my tire combo the oversteer stays under control in rain)

-You always want to change something in your street car to make it handle better. (the car still flexes like a wet noodle)

-You think that traction control and ABS are for those who can't drive. (Like most women and ricers)

-You save broken car parts as "mementos." (I even got a trashed axle to prove this one)

-Your last several freeway forays included just brushing the curbs as you apexed the on-ramps perfectly. (we dont have curbs... just ditches)

-You would choose a roll bar over air conditioning if it were an option. (I dont use air conditioning when I do have it in a car)

-You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without complaining.. ($4 is high? try race gas)

-You complain when you cars in front of you on highway off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing your exit speed to drop. (morons)

-You walk "proper lines" through the grocery store. (since I could walk... sadly)

-You look at the fire hydrant at the corner and see an apex marker. (so i'm not that wierd after all)

-You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a highway off-ramp. (in florida this is an everyday thing)

-You know the "racing line" of every turn in your daily commute, including you alternate routes, and practice hitting them every day.

-You regularly live test your rev limiter on that straight that's a little too long for second but not worth going into third for.

-You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.

-You are happiest when you street car's tires are worn to "racing depth."

-A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you query, "Synthetic or organic?" and they reply, "Vegetable or corn."

-You give out Automotive Engineering's number when a friend asks for the best hardware store.

-Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through the turn.

-You will gladly pay up to $8 for a quart of engine oil.

-You hate long distance drives to visit relatives, or to go on vacation, but you will gladly drive 800 mils to the race track.

-You consider the redline a "conservative suggestion" and the rev limiter " a
fun limiter."

-You bought a race car before buying a house.

-You bought a race car before buying furniture for the new house.

-You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!